New project and teaching.

Coming to the end of the semester and looking back on the blog posts.  There haven't been that many.  It doesn't mean that life hasn't gone on.  Actually it means I have a more active life than I had before.  I am so thankful for the opportunity that has been provided for me to attend college over the internet.  I am realizing a dream I have had since I was a small child.  I wanted to be a teacher from a young age.  I have two younger sisters and I made them play school all the time and of course  I was the teacher.  The farther along I get in the process the more I realize this is what I am supposed to do.  Teach.  I naturally love to see others learn something, anything.  My niece Rayvn spent the night with me after Thanksgiving.  She is very curious by nature and we were laying on the bed talking and she was asking me questions.  Somehow this turned into a math lesson.  I was surprised that she readily grasped the fact that anything times 0 is 0.  This is a concept that is sometimes hard to understand and she just got it.   I really don't think it had to do with my teaching ability but her intelligence but seeing the look in her eyes when she grasped the concept just magnified my love for teaching.  I am starting a new project soon and I want everyone to pray for me that I will be able to do a good job.  This project will last for a while maybe even years and I am looking forward to it. I just need prayer that I will be able to use the skills I am developing and present the material in the right way.

Horribly behind

I love to blog.  I actually came into this area today because I am taking a technology class and one of the assignments was to explore Blogger, I was like ha, ha.  I haven't had time to go there since school started.  I am taking 5 classes and it is all I can do to keep up with that.  I love school though, the little stresses are worth what I get out of it.  My mind is staying active on things other than my problems and that is the biggest reward I could get out of it, well besides the fact that I will have a degree one day hopefully.  I didn't go to Myrtle Beach during fall break. I wasn't feeling well that month, ear was swelled closed and our church had a fall bazaar during that time and Devin helped in it I believe.  Anyway I have been doing well lately.  I have actually been blessed with about two really good weeks.  I was a little weepy yesterday because of the time of year but 1 bad day out of 14 is better than 14 out of 14.  I am looking forward to Christmas this year.  I actually have finished all my shopping except getting the cookbooks from church for my sisters bags.  My dad died two weeks before Christmas so this is always a hard time of the year and I don't usually like Christmas but Devin and I have even talked about decorating soon so I am really ready for a good Christmas this year.  I am thankful that God has brought me to a good place.  I would like everyone to remember my friend Sandy.  She is going through a lot and she needs all the prayers she can get.

The future looks good

I am still plodding along on the weight loss.  I had become a little discouraged with it all and had thought about quitting but I have decided to start again.  Sometimes just making a new start at something helps you to get out of the rut you're in.  My family thought that starting college would make me more nervous and anxious but it has actually helped alot. When you are alone all day long everyday, with the exception of when Devin is with me, it gets hard to keep your mind occupied and that's when the thoughts creep in.  You know the one's I mean, your past, your failings, the insecurites, and fear.  Sunday night a young brother got up to preach and it was like he was talking to me. He said that when things enter your mind get your mind on God instead.  I am trying to get my mind on the Lord when those things enter my head.  Then Monday night at the women's meeting Sis Brenda reinterated that thought.  She told us of a saying I had heard all my life but it's nice to be reminded of it from time to time.  Thoughts are like birds, you can't help one flying over your head but you can keep it from making a nest there.  I am trying to keep the birds nest out of my hair now.  I feel like I let one move in and hatch eggs for so long, lol.  I am doing good in school and looking forward to learning a lot more.  I love to learn, not so much the grading thing though.  I am looking forward to fall break.  Devin and I are planning on going to Myrtle Beach to visit my sister Chrissy, if it is the Lord's will and nothing doesn't happen. The future looks good.

First Week of School

I am already tired and I have only been officially in school since Saturday.  I have already gotten my first grade in English. I have turned in two discussions in English and Intro to Teaching and one in Geography.  I have read my chapter in Intro and am trying to read my chapter in Geography.  Yikes! and tommorrow I will be receiving two more books so that I can start taking these courses.  I am starting to wonder did I bite off more than I can chew or am I just trying too hard when I need to pace myself.  I am going to press on and I hope that I learn a lot in these courses.  I haven't been in school in 17 years and I have never really studied in my life.  I graduated high school with a 3.0 grade point average and I just mostly read what was assigned and did my homework and it just was there.  I guess if I had studied or actually tried I would have had a higher GPA.  I don't know if I even know how to study.  I have been looking at the resources offered online for studying help and I am contemplating using them.  I don't know when I will get to post again so keep me in your prayers that my 35 year old stagnant brain will start to function again and that I can so the coursework I have.

Praise Him in Everything

Isn't it funny how God teaches you lessons? I felt like giving up on losing weight. I was stuck and had been for a while. I was yo-yoing up and down 10 lbs. I have lost 71 lbs. in all but I haven't been able to get past that hump. So I sort of gave up and then my wheelchair broke. Well, talk about a wake-up call. Without my chair I was unable to go to church or do anything about getting ready for school. I was stuck mostly in the bed all day long. I couldn't cook, wash dishes, or do laundry. For some that would be a good excuse but it drives me crazy not to be able to do these simple tasks. My aunt who passed away in February had a wheelchair but she weighed about 125 lbs. so I was stuck perching on this tiny chair to fix me a sandwich or check my email and the longest I could stand to sit there was about 20 minutes because it was killing my legs to balance my weight constantly. So I guess I need to get a move on it in the weight loss department. I can't give up because I don't want to have to depend on a wheelchair to do everyday tasks if I don't have to. It would be different if the weight wasn't the main cause and reason for my arthritis being so bad but I hope when I do lose the weight I will be able to do more and the weight being off my joints should help tremendously. So I guess God does work in mysterious ways and sometimes you have to look for the lesson in the bad times to be able to praise Him in everything.

Diabetes

I have been diagnosed as a diabetic since I was about 21 or 22 years old. In all that time I have never really had extremely high blood sugar readings. That was until recently. I have had some lower 200's but not the extremes of 300-500 like some folks do. My hemoglobin A1C has been in the normal to slightly abnormal range with the help of medication and I have felt pretty good for the last 10 years about my blood sugar readings.

Normal ranges for blood sugar are between 70-120 and for A1C levels 4-6

My A1C(which is measured every three months) averaged around 6.

Until earlier this year or was it at the end of last year. Anyway I had been swelling alot and I noticed on one of my diabetic medications that prolonged use could do that to you so I spoke with my doctor and we agreed (or rather he said ok your going to do it anyway) to take me off that medicatio and try something new. Well I didn't do well on any other medications before and the only things left for me to try were new medications like Byetta(which I tried)and insulin. I have a phobia about needles and they would both have to be injected. Byetta twice a day and insulin once. Well the logical choice would have been the insulin right. Well you know me I had to choose the Byetta first and I hated taking it. I felt weird and sick to my stomach all the time. I hated giving myself the shots because they left bruises that hurt for days. So with anything I take or don't want to take I become passive aggressive. I just didn't take it and my sugars got higher and higher. I was sleeping all the time. Thirsty, tired and irritable and that is just a few of the things that were happening.

I went to the doctor a while back and we decided(or rather he said I had no choice) that I would take the insulin. At first I hated the idea but then I realized it doesn't hurt like the Byetta. The needle on the pen is smaller and I only have to take it before I go to bed which works great for me so I can remember to take it at the same time everyday. So far my sleepiness has gone away and I am not thirsty all the time. My patience is a little thicker and I am still tired but I haven't gotten my blood sugars all the way to where they need to be.

I have told all of this to ask for this. I am just realizing what a dangerous state I have been in. My nutritionist Siri wants me to really keep up with this better and I am going to try. I want everyone to pray for me that I will take this more seriously and that I will try harder and that I will succeed in getting my blood sugar levels under control.

I haven't really thought about the consequences of this disease before. I was so young when I was diagnosed and it has been ok for so long that I have sort of pushed it to the back of my head. I am not wanting to live in fear but awareness.

Circumstances

I have been going through some things lately that lots of others may never face. Dealing with my weight loss, being in a wheelchair, living alone, etc. were things that I had gotten used to. God was slowly but surely bringing me through those difficult things but lately other things have started to creep in. I guess you could say life started to happen again. It's like I have been in a freezer for a few years and I am being let out in a different place and I feel lost. The last few months have been rough and life keeps happening but the difference is I am learning to deal with it differently. I am learning to trust God. It is hard for me to trust anyone. Everyone I have ever trusted has hurt me. Our pastor talked about how even God forsook his son, Jesus, this weekend and how He had to do that not because He wanted to but because that's the only way Jesus could know how we feel. It was like a light bulb went off in my head. I know Jesus is my friend and I am putting my trust in Him. I know He has given me family and friends to help me but He and He alone has never failed me and has never left me. Though sometimes I want to run away from life and just hide or not wake up I am learning with God I can make it through. And as a wise old woman told me tonight, Life is worth living.

VBS Day 5

Today we learned that Jesus is our Rescuer. The bible story was about Jesus and Peter walking on the water. We made aquariums and I asked the kids to make them look like what it would have looked like under the water to Peter. The kids were angels tonight. I believe this was the best night yet with their attitudes and with their behavior. I had so much fun. The preschoolers even made an aquarium for me.
I had a challenge with an individual tonight and I am praying that I did the right thing. I am trying to learn to defend myself against things in the right way. I was not in the wrong and tried to explain to that person what happened and they got ugly with me. I have anxiety attacks and this happened before I had some of the kids so I was extra stressed. Please pray that I can get over my hurt feelings and that I do the right thing.

VBS Day 4

Day 4 we talked about how God is our Defender. We taught a wonderful story about Elisha and how the King of Syria had an army that was coming against God's people. I had never read this story until I was studying for the bible school. God told Elisha what the Syrians were doing and everytime they would come against the people of God they would be thwarted. The Syrian King found out about Elisha being a prophet and ordered his army to take him. Needless to say God had a force mightier than they did and in the end the Israelites showed compassion on the Syrians when they were captive and they didn't come against them again. The kids loved learning about the armies and had so many questions. They are so great. I have had a wonderful time and I have learned alot both from the material being taught and from the kids themselves. Tonight's craft was a mask.

VBS Day 3

Today we talked about how Jesus is our shelter. We discussed that we can turn to him when we were afraid and we also talked about Noah and the Ark and how God provided a safe place for Noah and his family and the animals. We had a really good time. The kids were a little more rowdy tonight but that is to be expected. The craft was making bracelets that had the colors of the rainbow in beads. I am really tired and I have a big day tommorrow so I will post again then.

VBS Day 2

Tonight the theme for VBS was Jesus is our provider. We discussed Elijah and how God provided food for him by sending the ravens and how God sent him to the widow and she gave him the last food she had and God blessed her her whole life because she did. The kids were awesome. I really enjoy them alot. And of course I have gotten hugged to death. I think I have averaged at least half the kids hugging me each night. Rayvn got to go tonight and afterwards when we got back to my house she wanted to play VBS and she was the leader. It is so funny, if she enjoys doing something she always plays it when we get home. I have the same recording of a song we sang tonight on my computer and she had me turn on the music so she could pretend to be leading the songs. It was so sweet. I don't get to see her enough. Jaylen and Connie came by on their way home and I got to hold him and love on him a little. All in all a good day. Pray that it won't rain during VBS tommorrow and Krista says to pray for Charlie, also.

VBS Day 1

Last night was the first night of our VBS and I am in charge of crafts. I don't really feel that crafty but I want to do what I can to help. I had a great time. We were learning about how Jesus is our guide. Of course, Rayvn had to say Jesus is our guidance. I thought that was so cute because it was definitely something I would probably say. We do tend to get carried away. All of the kids were so good in my class. Even the one's that usually are a little rowdy. Christian told me he promised his dad he would try to be good. I was so proud of them. We discussed how God led the children of Israel out of Egypt by following a cloud and a pillar of fire. Michael thought it was a pillow and asked me how it didn't burn them up. I told them God created all things and He can make a fire not burn you if He wants to. I love all the questions because it means they are listening and if they are asking things it means their little brains are working and analyzing what was said and they will remember it. Pray for me that I will not be nervous and that I will be able to help them learn what they need to from their teacher, Bro. Charlie.

Weekend and Computer

First of all my computer is fixed. I had evidently uninstalled a program wrong and it created a firewall and my computer could not get a connection. Duh, I should have known it was something this simple. Anyway I am back online and I will be starting school next month. I am going to college online and I hope it works out. On to the last weekend.


I attended The Church of God of the Union Assembly at Scottsboro's First Annual Souled Out Youth Rally. I had an awesome time. The kids were so great. It was wonderful to witness them worshipping God. Little ones as well as us big kids had a great time. Silent Praise from Atlanta opened up the event and the sign language they performed to the songs was so beautiful. I am almost crying just thinking about it. Then Dalton's group performed a drama to music and it really made you think about your life and the live's these kids live. Problems with drugs, alcohol, and peer pressure were some of the prevailing themes that the songs they preformed had in common. Then the group from Bessemer performed and later I found out they had only been doing this for a couple of months but they did just as good as the other two groups. What impressed me most about them was the age range and the fact that the littlest was working just as hard for God as the oldest. It was so wonderful. They all did awesome. With all the groups that performed it was so heartfelt and real. I had never witnessed a drama team perform before but it was great. After a brief supper break the groups started performing. I really enjoyed the group from Atlanta and Cody Cookston did a wonderful job also. Justified of course was my favorite but I have to say this or Devin and Sonny will kill me. Just kidding, they did a great job. I am so proud of Devin. Sonny had asked her to sing a song with him and she was so nervous but she did it anyway and she did so good. Eric Cookston's daughter sang next and she was wonderful. Such a clear sweet voice. While Cody was singing kids filled the altar and it was so sweet. Everyone had so much love and was so precious. The group from Scottsboro was the last I got to see perform and then we had to leave. I had been up since 5:30am and it was 10:30pm our time. I was so tired. We had a great time and I hope to get to go to more things like this again. I got to see friends I haven't seen in years and my MySpace page is now full of people I met or hadn't seen in years. Still recovering a little but well worth it.

In other news our VBS starts tonight and I am in charge of the crafts. Please pray that I will do a good job and that something I might say will stick with these kids for the good. Like Bro. Gene Moody and Bro. Jerry Cassell was talking about last night let my words be fitly spoken. I'll post again soon.

P.S. Sonny drove over a huge bridge and I was able to go over it without having an anxiety attack. I got a little nervous but I made it through and I want to thank God for it. I am terrified of heights and water so this was a double whammy.

God's abundant mercies on me

God has blessed me abundantly since I last posted. I have lost a total of 68 lbs. and I am hoping to have lost more when I go back next week. I am getting to go out more and I am going to church all the time. Andy and Teresa McCoy have been taking me places besides church. I went to a concert in April. The Kentucky Headhunters were in Campbell County and Teresa and Andy came and got me and took me. That was the first concert I had ever attended. I am looking forward to what God has in store for me in the future. I know He is moving in a mighty way for me. Devin is now my helper and we have a ball. She has me out and going all the time. Eating out and shopping were things I could only dream of getting to do in the past. Now I am shopping for my own things and eating out with my church family and friends often. I am in better spiritis and I am able to walk around more. I know I haven't been able to write in my blog in a long time. I have missed seeing how everyone is doing. I borrowed my niece Sara's laptop to sort of catch up with everyone. God has been so good to me. I could never thank Him enough. Nine months ago I spent up to 20 hours a day in bed, now I go places and spend time with others. My life has changed so drastically and I know it has only been by the grace of God.

Krista had this on her blog and it pegged her right era and really I have always associated with this period of time when life was simpler. I think this is so funny that I am 34 and it says I get along with people my mom's age best. But I do!

You Belong in the Silent Generation

You fit in best with people born between 1925 and 1942. You are a person of high values and character. Family, your country, loyalty, and hard work all important to you. You are willing to do what's right, even when it's difficult.

What Generation Do You Belong In?

Update- God's Blessings

God has moved alot for me lately. I now have a home monitor device that I wear around my neck so the next time I fall and break something I can be like that little old lady who says "I've fallen and I can't get up". It was true for me in November 2007, I broke my knee and crushed the head of the bone that attaches to my knee. Not fun, I laid in bed 6 weeks and hopped on my walker. My friend JoAnn brought me breakfast about 3-4 times a week and my sister's Chanda and Connie brought food by to me about 3 times a week. Connie brough her little refrigerator down and installed it in my bedroom so I could eat sandwiches and stuff. I was miserable and in pain and I pray I don't have to go through that again. Some wanted me to go to my mom's house but she has more steps going into her house than I do mine and she couldn't come stay with me because Rayvn, Chanda's daughter was in school and Chanda works nights. Anyway back to the subject at hand.

Food is going to be delivered to my house every two weeks. It is a part of the meals on wheels program sort of. They come from mom's meals and they have a web site by the way. What I have had so far is delicious and they are pre-portioned so I can still follow my diet.

I should have said at the beginning that I am now enrolled in the Medicaid Waiver program. This provides assistance to the elderly and disabled so that they don't have to go to the nursing home. I wasn't in danger of going to the nursing home but my sister Chanda is unable to take care of me like she has been. She and my mom clean my house and Chanda gets all my food in and mail and that sort of thing. I will now have a helper 30 hours a week, as soon as they hire someone, that will be here for me to take a bath, help me clean my house, go to church and doctor's appointments with me. I am excited. That means that Chanda won't have to lift my chair and she won't be in pain because of it. It also means that I will be out of my comfort zone of being by myself except for about 3-4 hours a week when my family is here helping me. I have agoraphobia and can't stand to leave my house and I have difficulty having people in my house. Even my friends and family sometimes. I guess it's because I have been alone so long. So I am excited that God is taking me out of my comfort zone because that's where we grow. I know that I will have to face trials but I don't want to be so hermitlike any longer. I am trying to be positive and upbeat about the whole thing because I know God is in the works and has a bright future for me. He is helping me lose weight and overcome the obstacles that have had me bound. He is so good to me. I feel like I don't praise Him enough for all he does for me. He has been with me at my lowest moments and kept me safe when I was too stupid or crazy to keep myself safe.

The difference between strength and courage

My mom found this poem the other day when she was going through some papers. The poem fell out of a card my cousin Sandy had sent to her. The name of the author was not on the paper, so Author Unknown.

The difference between strength and courage

It takes strength to be certain
It takes courage to have doubt

It takes strength to fit in
It takes courage to stand out

It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain
It takes courage to feel your own pain

It takes strength to hide your own pain
It takes courage to show it

It takes strength to stand guard
It takes courage to let down your guard

It takes strength to conquer
It takes courage to surrender

It takes strength to endure abuse
It takes courage to stop them

It takes strength to stand alone
It takes courage to lean on a friend

It takes strength to love
It takes courage to be loved

It takes strength to survive
It takes courage to live

I hope that this makes you think and realize what strength and courage you have inside. I just loved this poem when my mom read it to me. It came at a time when I was struggling in my diet journey. I hope you enjoy it.

Today

Today has been a historic day. The first black US president. I watched the inauguration at 12 or a little after, I missed the swearing in. I remember the first time I watched it was when President Reagan was sworn in. I was so excited then. I was probably what 6 or something. Now at 34, to watch something I never thought would happen in my lifetime. I remember thinking back then that somewhere in Africa or something had a female black president and thinking why don't we have one. At six you don't understand the political situation of a country. I loved Rev. Lowery. I laughed so hard at his closing remarks. I even cried as he read his prayer for our nation. I pray that this nation prospers myself. The financial situation doesn't look promising but my mom says that she was born during the depression and those people who have always had plenty are going to learn how to be thankful for what God gives them. I am so blessed now in my life. There have been times when I was a child that we didn't know where the next meal was coming from. God always supplied our needs. I remember one time we didn't have a stove or refrigerator. They had broken down and someone had let us use theirs for a while and then they needed them back. We had a tiny refrigerator my mom's friend had in her camper and a microwave forever. My aunt would come over at least once a week and my mom would keep her in the living room so she wouldn't know. My aunt finally one day just went straight to the kitchen. She was in shock. We hadn't had a stove in almost a year. She turned around and went home and one hour later we had a stove. She had gotten a new one from her son's new mobile home and gave us her old one. God supplied that need. Everytime we would be without food another aunt would call mom and ask her to take her to the grocery store. She would get items 2 for 1 and give the extra to my mom. Invariably everytime my mom went there she cleaned out her freezer and gave mom what she didn't want. She didn't know until I was grown that we didn't have anything at those times. I used to worry when I was at school what my mom was eating. She didn't know I worried until lately. She assured me she always had something to eat. When my dad was alive we always had food because he always had a garden but mom was sickly for awhile and didn't feel like putting out a garden and just got out of the habit. I am not saying these things for sympathy just letting everyone know that God always supplies our needs. He may not give us exactly what we want but we always have what we need. Times are hard now but this country has faced hard times before. We will overcome with God's help.

WOOHOO!

Thank God! I have lost 24 more pounds. 37 in total, yeah! I am so excited. I can't hardly believe it. I was trying not to get my hopes up. I was trying to remain calm. When the nutritionist told me I say no way, I can't believe that then I yelled YEAH! I know last time I was disappointed that I hadn't lost a lot but this time I am being more realistic and I was rewarded with 24 pounds! You should see me I am jumping off the walls(not literally even though I am so hyper I maybe could). I couldn't wait to tell everyone. Thank you for all the prayers and support! love you all!

Tommorrow I weigh

I am a little anxious because tommorrow I weigh if nothing happens. I don't feel like I have lost any more weight and I am nervous because I don't want to get discouraged. I know I will have ups and downs. I am trying to get prepared mentally for tommorrow. Just leaving my house tommorrow will be a big deal because I haven't been anywhere since Christmas Eve and that was only to my mom's house then. The agoraphobia is trying to kick in but I know God will help me to leave tommorrow and not have an anxiety attack. Please pray that I will be able to make it through tommorrow.

Nutritionist Today

I have decided to shake my routine up and really get serious. I have been struggling along with my eating. It is so hard to start eating 4-5 times a day when you are used to eating one large meal and I couldn't face having to decided what to eat and how much to eat that many times a day. It was getting on my nerves. So I talked to my nutrionist today and we are doing psuedo meal replacement. I will be having breakfast(with actual breakfast food which I hardly ever eat) 1 slimfast shake, then 2 later on, and finally a lean cuisine for supper. This way all portion sizes are already there and all I have to do is do the plan. I feel I have to make a drastic change because I have so much weight to lose. I started at (gasp) 652 lbs. I have decided I have to be honest with me and everyone and I have to make changes immediately. Of course I lost 13lbs and I will weigh next Friday for the third time and hopefully will have lost more. This seems to be a daunting task because my metabolism is so slow due to infrequent eating and a thyroid problem. I used to go between 18-24 hours between meals and I have not eaten for 36 hours and I wasn't fasting then. It always seems harder to do without food when you are fasting. As long as I didn't eat I wasn't hungry. I would get fainty because I am a diabetic but not really hungry. Sis. Ruby fusses at me all the time to eat. She would call and wake me up some mornings before and demand I get up and eat. She is so funny. She bosses me as much as my mom does. I need to listen to these godly women who are counseling me and telling me things for my benefit. I'll let everyone know how I fare on the new diet.

Addendum to Butterfly

I can't believe it but all day the day I wrote the previous blog and ever since then I have come across butterflies. I don't know if they were always there or if God is putting them in my way to help me remember what I learned but it really is remarkable how something so small has such a big impact on you. I mean I was searching a discount catalog sight for bargains and out of the blue up popped a butterfly quilt. I was in kitchen not bed/bath section so this was really funny and then when I logged onto myspace a bumpersticker picture was flashing of a butterfly. How odd is that. I guess I will just have to thank God for reminding me and learn what I need to. I have a hard head and sometimes it takes me a while to get important life lessons. I pick up knowledge like trivia and that sort of thing really easily but important things take me a while to grasp. This journey(the weight loss one) has already brought me to and through so much. Some of the things I am learning are:

1. To love myself and to make myself as important as everyone else in my life(I feel really selfish doing this so this might take a while)
2. To listen to how God is leading me, this I am learning day by day
3. To appreciate what God has already given me and the opportunities he is putting before me
4. To pray in everything, I have a hard time praying for myself. I think most people would find this odd but I have learned to pray to God about my situation instead of always praying for everyone else and believing God knows what I want. I have learned He likes us to ask him for things. It shows we need Him.
5. To embrace the love He has for me, It is so hard for me to take compliments and to accept any help and I believe God is putting me in this place to show me that I can count on Him and that He will always take care of me. I feel like I have always been the one to take care of everyone and everything, any big sister knows how I feel, and now God is showing me who I can count on and I can count on Him and surprisingly my family, both natural and spiritual.
6. That sometimes the truth is right there staring you in the face and you are too wrapped up in everything going on around you to realize it.
7. I have learned that I have not been who I really am for a long time. My niece Rayvn has helped me remember who I always was because she is so much like me and I have decided I liked myself then and I want to recapture at least the good parts of me and start living again instead of existing.

Thank you for reading this diatribe(word I just learned the meaning of today, long discourse). I appreciate all who read this and I feel your prayers for me.

Butterfly

I talked to my nutritionist today and I was complaining about how hard this week was and how I just wanted to give up. She reminded me that changing is painful and that to grow we have to go through some pain. It made me think of how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. Even leaving the cocoon is a test to see if they are ready. It takes flexing and building up the muscles they need to fly to burst forth from the cocoon. If someone came along and opened it for them they wouldn't survive. I have to struggle through this to come out on the other end stronger and more resilent and the woman that God meant for me to be not the woman I became by letting this world weigh me down. She told me to pray and ask God for guidance. I am thankful that she gave me that information and that she is supportive of my faith as well as my journey to better health. I will be praying for God to help me and give me strength and reading Krista's blog just reminded me even more to put my trust in God.