The future looks good

I am still plodding along on the weight loss.  I had become a little discouraged with it all and had thought about quitting but I have decided to start again.  Sometimes just making a new start at something helps you to get out of the rut you're in.  My family thought that starting college would make me more nervous and anxious but it has actually helped alot. When you are alone all day long everyday, with the exception of when Devin is with me, it gets hard to keep your mind occupied and that's when the thoughts creep in.  You know the one's I mean, your past, your failings, the insecurites, and fear.  Sunday night a young brother got up to preach and it was like he was talking to me. He said that when things enter your mind get your mind on God instead.  I am trying to get my mind on the Lord when those things enter my head.  Then Monday night at the women's meeting Sis Brenda reinterated that thought.  She told us of a saying I had heard all my life but it's nice to be reminded of it from time to time.  Thoughts are like birds, you can't help one flying over your head but you can keep it from making a nest there.  I am trying to keep the birds nest out of my hair now.  I feel like I let one move in and hatch eggs for so long, lol.  I am doing good in school and looking forward to learning a lot more.  I love to learn, not so much the grading thing though.  I am looking forward to fall break.  Devin and I are planning on going to Myrtle Beach to visit my sister Chrissy, if it is the Lord's will and nothing doesn't happen. The future looks good.

First Week of School

I am already tired and I have only been officially in school since Saturday.  I have already gotten my first grade in English. I have turned in two discussions in English and Intro to Teaching and one in Geography.  I have read my chapter in Intro and am trying to read my chapter in Geography.  Yikes! and tommorrow I will be receiving two more books so that I can start taking these courses.  I am starting to wonder did I bite off more than I can chew or am I just trying too hard when I need to pace myself.  I am going to press on and I hope that I learn a lot in these courses.  I haven't been in school in 17 years and I have never really studied in my life.  I graduated high school with a 3.0 grade point average and I just mostly read what was assigned and did my homework and it just was there.  I guess if I had studied or actually tried I would have had a higher GPA.  I don't know if I even know how to study.  I have been looking at the resources offered online for studying help and I am contemplating using them.  I don't know when I will get to post again so keep me in your prayers that my 35 year old stagnant brain will start to function again and that I can so the coursework I have.

Praise Him in Everything

Isn't it funny how God teaches you lessons? I felt like giving up on losing weight. I was stuck and had been for a while. I was yo-yoing up and down 10 lbs. I have lost 71 lbs. in all but I haven't been able to get past that hump. So I sort of gave up and then my wheelchair broke. Well, talk about a wake-up call. Without my chair I was unable to go to church or do anything about getting ready for school. I was stuck mostly in the bed all day long. I couldn't cook, wash dishes, or do laundry. For some that would be a good excuse but it drives me crazy not to be able to do these simple tasks. My aunt who passed away in February had a wheelchair but she weighed about 125 lbs. so I was stuck perching on this tiny chair to fix me a sandwich or check my email and the longest I could stand to sit there was about 20 minutes because it was killing my legs to balance my weight constantly. So I guess I need to get a move on it in the weight loss department. I can't give up because I don't want to have to depend on a wheelchair to do everyday tasks if I don't have to. It would be different if the weight wasn't the main cause and reason for my arthritis being so bad but I hope when I do lose the weight I will be able to do more and the weight being off my joints should help tremendously. So I guess God does work in mysterious ways and sometimes you have to look for the lesson in the bad times to be able to praise Him in everything.

Diabetes

I have been diagnosed as a diabetic since I was about 21 or 22 years old. In all that time I have never really had extremely high blood sugar readings. That was until recently. I have had some lower 200's but not the extremes of 300-500 like some folks do. My hemoglobin A1C has been in the normal to slightly abnormal range with the help of medication and I have felt pretty good for the last 10 years about my blood sugar readings.

Normal ranges for blood sugar are between 70-120 and for A1C levels 4-6

My A1C(which is measured every three months) averaged around 6.

Until earlier this year or was it at the end of last year. Anyway I had been swelling alot and I noticed on one of my diabetic medications that prolonged use could do that to you so I spoke with my doctor and we agreed (or rather he said ok your going to do it anyway) to take me off that medicatio and try something new. Well I didn't do well on any other medications before and the only things left for me to try were new medications like Byetta(which I tried)and insulin. I have a phobia about needles and they would both have to be injected. Byetta twice a day and insulin once. Well the logical choice would have been the insulin right. Well you know me I had to choose the Byetta first and I hated taking it. I felt weird and sick to my stomach all the time. I hated giving myself the shots because they left bruises that hurt for days. So with anything I take or don't want to take I become passive aggressive. I just didn't take it and my sugars got higher and higher. I was sleeping all the time. Thirsty, tired and irritable and that is just a few of the things that were happening.

I went to the doctor a while back and we decided(or rather he said I had no choice) that I would take the insulin. At first I hated the idea but then I realized it doesn't hurt like the Byetta. The needle on the pen is smaller and I only have to take it before I go to bed which works great for me so I can remember to take it at the same time everyday. So far my sleepiness has gone away and I am not thirsty all the time. My patience is a little thicker and I am still tired but I haven't gotten my blood sugars all the way to where they need to be.

I have told all of this to ask for this. I am just realizing what a dangerous state I have been in. My nutritionist Siri wants me to really keep up with this better and I am going to try. I want everyone to pray for me that I will take this more seriously and that I will try harder and that I will succeed in getting my blood sugar levels under control.

I haven't really thought about the consequences of this disease before. I was so young when I was diagnosed and it has been ok for so long that I have sort of pushed it to the back of my head. I am not wanting to live in fear but awareness.

Circumstances

I have been going through some things lately that lots of others may never face. Dealing with my weight loss, being in a wheelchair, living alone, etc. were things that I had gotten used to. God was slowly but surely bringing me through those difficult things but lately other things have started to creep in. I guess you could say life started to happen again. It's like I have been in a freezer for a few years and I am being let out in a different place and I feel lost. The last few months have been rough and life keeps happening but the difference is I am learning to deal with it differently. I am learning to trust God. It is hard for me to trust anyone. Everyone I have ever trusted has hurt me. Our pastor talked about how even God forsook his son, Jesus, this weekend and how He had to do that not because He wanted to but because that's the only way Jesus could know how we feel. It was like a light bulb went off in my head. I know Jesus is my friend and I am putting my trust in Him. I know He has given me family and friends to help me but He and He alone has never failed me and has never left me. Though sometimes I want to run away from life and just hide or not wake up I am learning with God I can make it through. And as a wise old woman told me tonight, Life is worth living.

VBS Day 5

Today we learned that Jesus is our Rescuer. The bible story was about Jesus and Peter walking on the water. We made aquariums and I asked the kids to make them look like what it would have looked like under the water to Peter. The kids were angels tonight. I believe this was the best night yet with their attitudes and with their behavior. I had so much fun. The preschoolers even made an aquarium for me.
I had a challenge with an individual tonight and I am praying that I did the right thing. I am trying to learn to defend myself against things in the right way. I was not in the wrong and tried to explain to that person what happened and they got ugly with me. I have anxiety attacks and this happened before I had some of the kids so I was extra stressed. Please pray that I can get over my hurt feelings and that I do the right thing.

VBS Day 4

Day 4 we talked about how God is our Defender. We taught a wonderful story about Elisha and how the King of Syria had an army that was coming against God's people. I had never read this story until I was studying for the bible school. God told Elisha what the Syrians were doing and everytime they would come against the people of God they would be thwarted. The Syrian King found out about Elisha being a prophet and ordered his army to take him. Needless to say God had a force mightier than they did and in the end the Israelites showed compassion on the Syrians when they were captive and they didn't come against them again. The kids loved learning about the armies and had so many questions. They are so great. I have had a wonderful time and I have learned alot both from the material being taught and from the kids themselves. Tonight's craft was a mask.